I do not know who I am, where I am going - and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions. ~Sylvia Plath

"Who are you? Could you describe yourself?" I often got that question in every interview. A question that sounds like as simple as "what is the color of the ocean?" Just like the ocean question you might answer it fast BLUE! Dah'... but is it really blue? are you sure? isn't it more like green? ... Do you know that the ocean appear to be blue because this is the color our eyes see?  But actually the ocean can be many other colors depending upon particles in the water, the depth of the water, and the amount of skylight also blue wavelengths are absorbed the least by the deep ocean water and are scattered and reflected back to the observer’s eye. Not so simple anymore right? just like "who are you?" question. I might answer I'm a cheerful, shy, witty or even mad person but isn't people eyes different with mine? they see the blue, but I am the particles inside... I could go rambling who I am as a person but people see what they see. The simplest way I can answer I am who I am, I couldn't get more correct answer than that.

So who are you? Who am I? anyone knows how to answer it?  Or could anybody help me giving me formula how to answer that correctly, so I won't sound so obnoxious every time I tried to describe myself. Or probably you could help? some of you knows me for more than 4 years, so I believe you'll be a great judge. 

“I know pretty much what I like and dislike but please, don't ask me who I am.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Oh my, I forgot to say Hello... Hello people how are you? do life treat you well? I hope they do... Well if you asking... I'm not in my best shape right now, losing some weight and tired both emotionally and physically... and yes you can blame it on the crazy exams they probably drained all my energy and sucked all my mood. Thank God it's over. About the result, oh well... please please do pray for me... I need many prayers from all of you, hehehe.

Talking about who I am, there's one thing that I quite sure I am and that is that I love to be lost in my own imagination... I just love to wander off, go to my happy place. A place only me can visit...  where I can be anything I want. Where I could be a princess, a fairy, or even a witch... and each of them have their own complicated stories that I hesitate to share.  I once asked what do you do when you running out of ideas or imagination? and I answered, I have no idea what I would do, because so far my head is full with tons of ideas and imagination and I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm about explode anytime soon, trust me maybe running out idea is a bad thing but having too many is also frustrating.

And in between my crazy schedule because all exams that sucked all my happy mood I manage to make a photo shoot. And this time is not a fashion post like always, but this time I let you see a hint of my head, what I do when I'm wander off. But of course this is just a super tiny hint of what goes inside my head and I can assure you everything 100 hundred times more beautiful in my head.  Ah we human... it's always our own limitation who tormented us.

Will leave you with many words from one of my favorite poet, Sylvia Plath.

Have a good day everyone... see you soon...

“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? 

For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life.

 But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.”
― Sylvia Plath

“I suppose I'll always be over-vulnerable, slightly paranoid.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter , 

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Headpiece : Miss Ruby

dresses : 7 o'clock Couture

shoes : Dream and Hope shoes

dresses : 7 o'clock Couture

shoes : Mellisa shoes

“I wish you’d find the exit out of my head.”
― Sylvia Plath

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Trinkets ~ May the best thief win

What do you do when one day... in your very normal day, you open and check your email and there it is, in your inbox an email from someone who lived in the other side of the world, someone who turns out to be one of the screenwriter of 10 things I hate about you (oh my God, I just make a little scream think about it, she's the one who make 10 things I hate about you actually happen!) , Legally Blonde, The House Bunny Ugly Truth, She's the man, and have I told you she's also the executive producer for WHIP IT movie? oh yes she is, yes that one with Ellen ohmyGodIloveyou Page on it. Now imagine how you feel when that person send you an email and said that she's a huge fan of your blog. Oh yes people, Kirsten Smith love my blog! I love you Kiwi, like so much.... ( oh yes Kiwi is her nickname )

Oh how can I not love you Kiwi, I've been in love with a poem from 10 Things movie, yes that all time favorite poem. You are right, I'm talking '10 Things I Hate You' poem, I remember the very moment I heard Julia Stiles reading it with almost teary eyes, I can't help myself to remember Shakespeare's Sonnet 141 one of my all time favorite by Shakespeare, and how I was moved by the poem that Julia read, one of the simplest and sweet poem I ever heard. So when we talked and Kiwi said that she's just making a new novel, I'm so excited to read it. Even more I so can't wait, I asked her for the pdf just so I can read it right away. And oh yes, she also send me the book ( I don't know why, I actually love books much much more than pdf, there's something different about it.)

The very minute I have my eyes on trinkets I'm in love... finally a great novel that we muggles can relate to. It's been a while since The perks of being a wallflowers that I'm able to enjoy teenagers life story. It feels good, you know that feeling when you read a sentence and thinking, hey I've been there! I know the feeling, that familiar feeling. ( I would kill to have that familiar feeling when I watch Harry cast his spell, but you know... I'm a muggle... so yeah...)

Let me share a little about the story, it's about 3 teenage girls who share same school, same age but know nothing about each other, never even talk to each other before, different background. They are so different yet so similar. Let me introduce you to Tabitha the popular one, the one you will always be jealous with, the one you always wish to trade or switched body whenever there's a falling star with.  Coolest friends, handsome boyfriend, rich family let me just say she's the reason some girls cursed why life is so unfair. And there's Moe, a burnout girl, a rebel one with her cherry (bad) red hair, always hanging with the worst people in school, she's someone you won't having trouble with ( not just she so scary but also because she got scary friends). Last but not least there's Elodie the wallflower, the new girl in school, the one who pretty much keep everything inside as long as she can feel save and secure, someone who dying to fit in. She's kinda person who her existence always unnoticed whether she's there or not you wouldn't care much.

Of course they don't know or make friends with each other (until something happen and they finally they know each other) cliché  I know, but that's the reality. I would love to say to you that in real life people like them hang out together, but they didn't. It's right what they said Birds of a feather flock together. They just do.

 It's funny how I can found a little piece of me on 3 very different girls. I found a little piece of me in Moe, I understand the feeling when sometimes people scared to come close to you because people you all mysterious and scary, how sometimes people avoid making contact with you and you know that is because they found you different and weird. I know exactly what Elodie feels, I was the new girl in school before so I know exactly the feeling, how you feel like alien and have no one around. How no one seems to care about you and how you'll give anything to have friends and be noticed. Or as simple as I want to be fit in, to not feel like lost stranger. I also know what is like to be Tabitha, it's funny how people assume me to be so perfect and all that, without knowing that I'm no different than anyone else. I'm also broken inside.

What thing can all the three girls have in common that makes them finally become friends? They all my friends.... turn out to be more than meets eye. Who would've thought they will have this one thing to connected them, they all are shoplifters, yes shoplifters... you can accept that from Moe, but Tabitha? Elodie? who would have thought? The story gets more interesting when they finally make friends with each other on AA meeting for shoplifters and start to challenge each other with twisted game. I won't share the details here, I know there's nothing a book lovers hate more than spoilers. So I will just share things that I love about this book and a little bit about the girls. I make something called mugshot, this is how imagine how they will act in front of the camera when police catch them. Oh yes of course I also making a photo shoot based that 3 girls character

From all three she's the only one who will got the worst effect if someone knows she's a shoplifter, because she's the popular one, you know for sure, she know for sure that everyone love to see a popular girl tumbling down from her thrones. That's why, Tabitha is the only one who doesn't look straight to the camera in a hope people can't see clear of her face.

 

I need to go do what I do best, which is get dressed and make myself pretty so I can go to a party with a bunch of people I can’t stand. ~ Tabitha, Trinkets

Moe 

She have this bad girl reputation and the policeman will assume she must be a trouble one, from the way she dressed and like what Moe always do she will play along, playing as a tough girl, who actually she is not. 

Elodie 

This girl actually the most scary one, she might look like a wallflower but deep inside she want people to notice her more, that she not what you think she is. So that's why she must be facing and confront the camera and looking it right in the eye with no bit of scare at all. She loves Eminem music for God sake... 

 
Aside from the girls here's why I love the novel so much, this is some of it :

--- Remember when I said I can relate to this book? I found that in so many scenes, but this part is the best one, some people maybe will miss it but someone who been through same kind situation will understand it. I do. I love Kiwi for putting the small details in this part. It's part when after the first meeting in AA Tabitha and Moe crossed at each other in school hallway. They only take a glimpse of each other and share secret smiles but on Tabitha line she said that it’s the only thing that gets her a little bit closer to feeling better. I've been there, I know the feeling. I have my own broken friends, we share same shrinks, our connection probably not build on AA meeting, but on waiting room in our shrink office, we just know we all troubled, we need to be fixed. We don't talked too much but there's a moment when we do and shared so many thing about our self, when Tabitha, Moe and Elodie compete about who have the finest moment on shoplift, we compete about who's bullied the worst or who's the weirdest.

About that scenes, I've been there. I was at the mall with bunch of my friends and there he is, in another crowds with his friends, one of my broken friends ( hahaha don't worry they won't get mad even they read this, that is how we called our self it's some kind of our inside joke, we called our self a broken toy) so back to story,  we through passed each other and only share a little smile on each other. It barely a smile, it's more like a smirk. But trust me at that moment I feel that he's the closest person I have and all my connection with bunch my of friends are nothing, not deep like what I have with him. Funny when you think about it, someone who just passed you and barely smiled at each other is probably the one who know you more than anyone in that entire big concrete building. I remember I wish we bumped with each other again, but sadly we're not.

When we meet again in the waiting room I sat next to him, he was reading a book as always and I kicked his foot and asked why didn't he say hi when we crossed each other at the mall the other day, he keep his eyes on his book and said "I don't want to explain to my friends how we know each other or how we meet" a little harsh, simple answers, no sugar added that how pretty much we talked to each other. And no hard feeling whatsoever, because I know it's honest answers.  I would give the same answer. When you meet friends who pretty much been through the same sh*t you would understand that deep connection

--- A witty, catchy words that you can find in many pages, Kiwi definitely can play with words and here's two of my favorite ( it's no fun if I give you too many)

"this is what happens to princesses in real life. They don’t get kissed awake by princes. They don’t get handed the keys to the kingdom. They don’t live happily ever after. In real life, they are publicly humiliated; they are thrown from their towers. This is what they don’t tell you when you are

a little girl: Everyone secretly hates a princess. Everyone wants to see her fall. "

 

"I realize the thing
about friends you’ve only had for four monthsis that they aren’t going to stand over you
and protect you with their branches
and photosynthesize carbon dioxide for you;
they aren’t going to shelter you from the sunand shield you from the rain;
they’re going to throw you over for a guy they barely know"

So here's some of me channeling Tabitha, Moe, and Elodie. 
PS : Elodie carrying camera around because she happen to take care year book project.

Moe : Jacket : folie a deux // sweatshirt : the balletcats // pants : nudie // shoes : ZARA 

Tabitha : tops : Miss Ruby // bag : Lanvin // pants : ZARA // shoes : skittish shoes 

Elodie : Blazer : EN // bag : tako feito de mao // pants : Ralph Laurent // Shoes : stfebiansshoes  

Moe : leather jacket : Kumikyoku // pants : UB vintage // bracelets heloosun 

Tabitha beanie sequin hat : forever21// tops and pants : swaychic // necklace : ZARA // bag : laku.com // shoes : nike

Elodie : hat : topshop // shirt : zara // bag : manikan // skirt : tailor made // shoes : bear house

 

Moe : leather jacket : Zara // sweater : folie a deux // pants : nudie 

Tabitha : Jeans jacket : nasgorju // tops and skirt : gaudi // bag : kate spade // shoes : nike 

Elodie: sweater : choies // pants : Zara // bag : tako feito de mao // shoes : shoe corner

So who the one you connected the most with? who are you? Tabitha? Moe ? or Elodie?

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I'm not a shopaholic, I'm just into stimulating the economy

Holla everyone! what a week right? mine is pretty crazy... exams exams and more exams. I must say it is a quite stressful month. Aaaannd there's nothing can cure a stress like shopping... agree ladies? ( I heard a full stadium of ladies screaming YES, hahahaha ) hey hey don't judge, and hereby I'm using the words that all shop lover always use when someone is accused them for having too much shopping time, my defense is "I'm not a shopaholic, I'm just into stimulating the economy" hehehe.

Sooo... so many people asked me about great place to shop, especially the online one. Honestly at first I don't really like the idea of shopping online, I thought the excitement of shopping is when you hold and touch the stuff you want to buy, even more smelling the scent and all that. But apparently I have to take back my words, there is other excitement on buying things online, a different kind of excitement but have the same level fun about it.

The very first reason why I now choose online shopping rather than going to the mall is my friend... the cruel traffic jam that my country having right now, seriously... it takes almost two hours to get to the mall, it excruciating, sometimes I get all tired and got no mood to shop when I'm arrive. God bless whoever created this online shop,  it's simple, easy and fun... no fuss no rush. Hohoho...

So to answer many question of your, I present you my favorite some place to shop include some stuff I choose from their webstore ( and if you have any favorite online shop, please do share ;) )

REEBONZ

Reebonz! my favorite place to shop for high brand! and I just got those things above, aren't they lovely? in love love love. The most fun and awesome thing about Reebonz is they always held events where you can buy things in super great discount price, sometimes even more half price! for example the retail price for the red Moschino wallet is about IDR 1.700.000 more or less and I got it with only IDR 699.000 crazy right? And it's not only Moschino, Reebonz carry many big brands  and all with great price. Here's how it works, after you subscribe Reebonz will send you email on the event they held and they got due date to every event so you better keep watching.

and here's more fun things special for you my readers, you can click here --> REEBONZ and if you subscribe you will automatically get credit IDR 200,000 as privilege till 31th May 2013 and the credit valid for 30 days since subscribed, cool right?

DOROTHY PERKINS

I was screaming in joy when dorothy perkins contacted me and letting me know that now they have webstore for Indonesia customers, I always love their clean cut

So above is something I recently got from their website and right now I still waiting for them to come, hohoho that fun feeling waiting for your order.

SWAYCHIC

If you look for something fun, quirky and cool or maybe 90's stuff? then my friends Swaychic is the place you need to visit, you will be drooling for everything they got! I swear *wiped my drool. I just got my matchy catchy stripes tops and bottom, aren't they cute? and now I'm currently drooling over their denims, that 90's high waisted jeans are to die for! click here --> DENIM SWAYCHIC to see it yourself. And here's fun parts, they always love to read our review about their products, so if you a blogger and have quite number follower you can email them at reviews@swaychic.com and ask for clothing review.

CHOIES

Sounds familiar? yes many bloggers around the world love choies, just like I love choies, here's why, they got tons collection of thing that IN or HIP right now in soooo sooo affordable price, Major love.

OJA 

My favorite clutch right now, you might already saw me wearing one of them on my old post, and I think I need to share more about OJA, lovely right? and not just lovely, they environmental friendly too, they all made just with a groceries plastic bag and more cool fact it's our local product, couldn't help myself to not feel proud right now.

And there you have it, some of my favorite online shop.... this is fun right? will definitely do this again, and next is about SHOES, yes online shop for shoes I've got so many list of place to shop online for shoes, just wait for it and after that maybe a clothing online shop and after that accessories and so on and so on. I do love to making review I even thinking to make one special blog just to review things to shop, what do you think? good idea or not?  So do you have any favorite online shop? please do share, who knows it might be one of my favorite too.

PS : On my next post I will review about my newest favorite novel Trinkets and of course a proper outfit post hehehe... so see you on my next post! and oh, best of luck for you who having exams too! *kisses!

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"Sometimes me think what is love, and me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up last cookie for you." -Cookie Monster

Hello world! How are you? Great right? Hmm… so I have flash news to share, hmm… turns out being 14^th not all glitters and gold… turns out I’m in age where whenever I met older people they will ask the same old question, I guess there must a big guide book of “HOW TO MAKE MISSERABLE KIDS TO BE MORE MISSERABLE WITH AWKWARD QUESTION, FOR DUMMIES” oh please… like life is not hard enough for us teenage girls, why adults always want to pour a salt water to our open wound? Come on… just add fuel to the fire….*sigh. (Do I already sound like whiny drama queen teenage girls? Do I nail it? hahaha)  So have you figure out what the question is? Oh yes you got it right… the big question is:  “Do you have boyfriend?” or more like statement rather than a question “ You're so big now, so who is your boyfriend?” geez… I’m 14 not 20 something so… chill world… chill….

I can't really blame them though… boys and romance is number one topic nowadays in my friends’ circle. I’m getting used to the new habits of my friends, which is make a late night call and talking hours about boys, crush and stupid things called romance. I always open the conversation with “You can talk to me for hours and I'll be all ears for you but don't expect any advice or way out from me, because I know nothing about boys moreover about romance” and so far they got no problem with it, I guess when you’re in love all you need is someone to hear all the high and dry…  they don't need someone who knows from A to Z about it, comment and advice are not much needed.

As for me… boys, romance and all that lovey dowey thingies are my Achilles' heel, seriously… for me those topic are the most boring thing to talk about. Call me cynical but I don’t really buy the entire true love thing and you can imagine yourself of how talking hours about something you don’t even believe could really set your teeth on edge. But friendship is about enduring all those thing right? I know how boring my friends must be when all I’m talked about is old lenses and cameras and about my hunting to find those rare items, how I win and lost bid on eBay. If they can bear with me with my story about history of lenses and cameras from 60’s, 70’s even from the time of World War II of course I can bear with them and their love story. 
 

The funny thing is a little bird told me that there’s actually some boys who… well who fallen for me… and yes, boys which means more than one boy, shocking right? Well probably the queuing line for it isn't as long as Sushi Dai restaurant queue line in Tokyo but there’s some numbers of boys. Oh boys what a wrong choice you've made. Well some even declare the love for me and all I can give to them are awkward look and thank you (try to find ‘you don’t say’ meme on 9gag, that is pretty much facial expression I gave them) I know it’s not a cool thing to do, but honestly I found it so weird and don’t know how to react. You still ask money from your mommy and you ask to have a date with me? That’s weird right? I love making friends with boys and most of my best friend are boys but not on a date with them it’s a BIG NO.  
 

My friends told me, I should try to give one of them a chance, the best one, only so I can have conversation about boyfriend and stuff, of all the wrong reason in the world that must be the most hideous one, right? People feelings are not for play.  So for those of you, who asked me on formspring, twitter, instagram and all other place, no I don’t have boyfriend and even for all the tea in China I don’t planning to have one in near future. But when one of my friends asked do I actually have type for boys, I don’t think I do… but on a second thought I think I do, So here’s my type:

1.     I love to see boys who have passion on something. I once met a boy who couldn’t stop talking about dinosaurs he talked with his eyes all beaming and happy and super enthusiast, about velociraptor, spinosaurus, stegosaurus and all other blablala~rus, as for me all I know about dino are T-rex and how they look like icky giant lizard.  He also told me every detail of the theory why they extinct and at that time I think he is so cute.

2.     I like geek boys. DISCLAIMER with this I mean a real geek not the one who wear big glasses, bow ties, suspender, cropped hanging trousers like Urkel, or even worse a t-shirt with big word GEEK written on it. I like a quiet one but who can talk about books and string theory for hours.  

3.     The one who smell good.

4.     The one who love their mommy homemade cook as their favorite food, I have a cousin who really loves my aunty's cook, even on family gathering where we all bring great kind of foods all he choose are the one that his mother made, for me that is super cute and you should see his drooling over just by talking her mother homemade meal, I have a feeling he will be a very great gentlemen. 

That’s all I guess for now, hehehe. Oh my God, I just realize this is a very long post, well guess it really is impossible to make short conversation when the topic is about boys, hahaha.

So I received this very beautiful wedding dress from dresseshop.co.uk funny how even though I never think about romance but I always know what kind of dress I want for my wedding day and this classic dress is the best choice for me. At first I kind a worry about the dress because I know a wedding dress should be perfect fit and when I know they actually made the dress based on our really size (you can just inform the size of your hips, bust and everything) they really make it on your size. I’m in love with the fabrics, how its flows perfectly. They make the best dress for prom and for bridesmaid too (no more hideous bridesmaid dress! Yeay!) Hehehe funny story, I almost faint when I have to choose the dress ( now I know why there’s bridezilla out there, the pressure are crazy my friend!) they got so many choices and they all gorgeous, you can see it yourself at dresseshop.co.ukor www.millybridal.com be ready to be amaze. 

By the way I make the theme as runaway bride, you could see at the first 4 pictures how the bride doesn’t look like how a bride should look, she doesn’t look happy at all. It’s all because the man he going to marry is not the one who he actually loved. She finally decides to runaway and waiting for the boy he actually love to pick her up and runaway together.  I’m not a good story teller when it comes to love, so be dearly please and wrote the story yourself for me. *kisses! ( by the way I will make a very stunning bride one day right?) 

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.

 – Marilyn Monroe 

We're raised to defend ourselves but get suspended for fighting. We're taught to love but get judged on who we're loving. Life's ironic

~Unknown

 

"Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it." 

– Braveheart

"Life is messy. Love is messier." 

– Catch and Release

 

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever."

 – The Notebook

 

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." – Marilyn Monroe
 

Dresses : dresseshop.co.uk

Flower crown : Dhievine 

Lether Jacket : Zara

Shoes : Zara  

PS : I may not know nothing about love, but I know this is one of the most romantic thing someone could say to her loved one, I just love what Robin say to Barney on one of How I met Your Mother  episode " If I asked you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I've fallen in love with. Turns out I accept and appreciate even the most grossest, creepiest, most sociopath parts of you"

Good night love! 

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SWAG

How are you guys? Hope you all well! 

Short update! So yesterday I've posted my outfit on my instagram and Facebook page, there's a story behind my outfit that day. So, recently I  join a new class for music course and make some new friends there, we usually hangout after class or just staying at our course place kidding around in the coffee shop nearby . Since I'm new, they never protest or say anything to me before, until one day we all go to the mall and watch movie together and finally one of my friend said to me, "do you realize how you look and dress so differently? We all look so gangsta around you, people are staring because I swear they think we bullying you or something..." I can't stop laughing after he said that. I wear a long sleeve maroon sweater, classic brown pants and oxford shoes that day and my friends outfit mostly ripped jeans, old band t-shirt, or  that hip homies sweater and Snap back hat ( you can imagine it by yourself). so yes, I got their point. So I asked them, what should I wear? and one of them said "Hmm... probably something more swag?" and oh they all mostly foreigner and boys too, so they have no idea about my blog. What they have in mind that I dress up in a classic vintage way the entire time. 

I really can't stop laughing and I told them, "yeah sure... I can do swag... " So when I show up at class (and yes fashionably late~ okay, that actually accidentally happen ) I swear some of them dropped their jaw. When I finally sit, one of my friend whispered to me "Good God, now you look like the leader of the gang...." hahaha... they love my look but I told them, I dress up not because they asked me to, but because I want to. It's fun seeing they reaction and the funniest thing my friend said that day was "I love your swag look! now you are not look like someone just kidnap you from Nightmare Abbey novel anymore!" I don't know what more fascinating, he likes my look or the fact he reads Nightmare Abbey?" Hahahaha.... 

So here's my swag look... see I can look like everyone else...

 
 
 
 
  Necklace : Antykbutyk // rings & bracelets : greedysassy, dainty shop
// watch & bag : post_shop (instagram) // shoes : adidas  // 
headphones : aerial7
( bought that awesome glasses in cheap cute shop store, it cost only 2 bucks! hahaha not bad for jeremy scott inspired glasses right? )

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