If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm. ~ Frank Lane

Hello everyone how you've been doing? Good Lord it's freezing out there, in my country ( which is one of tropical country ) it's a non-stop rainy day. I'm not complaining, I love rainy day... there's something romantic and gloomy about it that I love. But turn out my body is disagree with my mind, I get sick easily in this kind of weather . So yeah, I have bed rest a week ago, and still in recovery mode right now.  Ugh I hate being sick. So I hope you all okay and not having fever and flu like I have. Eat proper meal, consume enough vitamin anything to keep you healthy, ok?

I suppose to make a post yesterday ( like I promise in my twitter... ) but turn out I can't, last night the traffic is insane, I got stuck on the road for more than three hours and got home almost midnight. Crazy right? got super tired and I can't barely doing anything, all power left in me is only to clean my self up and throw myself into my heaven made bed. Hahaha... So forgive me for the delay... I know you all can understand. Pretend to cough *Uhuk uhuk uhuk... see I'm still sick... you have to forgive a sick girl, it would be a mean thing not to. Hehehe. 

My God, I just realize something it's November already! it's so close to end of year, it means it's also close to January and it meaaanss.... cooomeee onn you know this oneee..... yes! My birthday!! Ay caramba!! I'll be 14th! It's official! I'm a teenager now! Hahahaha... been checking my checklist and turn out there's nothing significant thing that will change from being 13th, still not allowed to ride, not allowed to go out of town alone ( don't even mention out of country) and many rules still apply just the same... and please please don't ask me about boyfriend thingie, I don't have one and not planing to have until undetermined time. Boys still look yucks for me, no hard feeling boys... but you guys do sweat a lot... But for all the sweet email, love letter, songs and other sweet things you can keep it coming, I need it for my ego. Hahaha just kidding, I do like make a new friends, boys or girls.

Hmm, by the way I don't it's the fever or what, but week ago, I feel super exhausted like I just hit a rock bottom, so many things out of schedule and it frustrating me. I probably bite off more than I can chew. If there's something I well known of it's that I'm a super hard worker. As weird as it sound, I  really do love to work, being under pressure excites me. Trust me, you will found me voluntarily doing jobs that not even my responsibility.  But not last week. I feel so tired. So tired. And I got no one to blame but myself, my dad and my sisters keep reminded me to not beat myself too much and me being me of course so stubborn and convince them that I can handle it. Well apparently I am not. I got sick and tired so easily and going back and forth to hospital is no wonderland. When most of worker in hospital somehow knows your name because you come too often that is the moment I know I have to let go some of my activity outside the school.

And about blogging it's cross my mind to stop it doing it. You probably not know how guilty I always feel, neglected my blog and often not updated it ... not for days, not weeks, but months! All those time I carry my guilty feeling around, trust me most of blogger must have the same kind of feeling, feeling in debt to do a post. The hardest thing for me is that I keep breaking my promise which I can assure you it's so not me. I hate people who breaking promise and I hate it more when I'm the one who doing it. I keep saying " I will update my blog" because at that moment I feel I have the time, but most of the time there's something comes up that I have to take care first, if there's not one thing it's another thing. Again, it's breaking my my heart. I'm so close to saying goodbye, but then I open my blog again, read all the comments, I open my facebook page, reading emails, my twitter and there you all are. Saying nice things to me, I mostly responded it with "ooh stop it youuu.." or "thank youu..." but trust me I want to say something more big and grand than that, because it means that much for me, but I can't find the words. Imagine how I'm not updating for months but still you all so patient with me and waiting for my post.*HUGS! So I think it will be very selfish of me if I just quit and stop like that, I promise myself to keep going, but I hope you can still bare with me. Oh my is someone chopping onions??? because I can't stop my tears!! 

Oh come on lets talk lighter things... fun thing! like fashion, you all like that don't you? Well this soon to be teenager girl *ehem* is start to get boring wearing jeans and thinking to wear a real pants, somehow I think it will look more mature, hahaha. Oh it's a good thing too, this past month I've been doing so many meetings with many people and yeah we talking adult people, yes much more older than me and I can't help not to feel so so young or even feel like a lost kid. The worst thing is when I'm on chairman position in that meeting, explain things asking for numbers and progress they have, while I'm wearing jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. Even worse sometimes I'm still in my uniform. So I'm thinking some of style that still me, still fun but more mature.

So this pants from PICNIC SHOP is I think my match mate, the moment I saw it I know I have to have it. Hohoho... So I start playing with it, mix it up with different style. Girly, boyish, or something in between?  you name it I can style it. Best thing is it's so comfy to wear, maybe because the fabric is light not like jeans. Don't get me wrong, my love to my jeans is unshakeable kind of love, but it's nice to try new things. So after you see my new pants do have any idea to mix it up? let me know, I would love to try it. And hmm I'm thinking to add a new dress on my collection from PICNIC SHOP, can you help me choose? you can go to their website click this ---> PICNIC SHOP WEBSTORE and tell me which dress should I choose, their collection driving me insane, I'm drooling all over it, it's impossible for me to choose myself. Hahaha they also have store in Gandaria city which is so cool I can spent hours there.

So here we go, me and my new pants! Ready to rock! No, I mean ready to work! Hehehehe... 

Kisses and hugs! take care guys!

PS : I'm probably updating blog rarely, but I quite active posted a photos in my instagram ( yes I'm a newbie on instagram ) and by the way for you who follow instagram account @evitanuh I'm sadly announce that wasn't me it's a fake acc, I just make one few weeks ago and my instagram account is @nuhevita . Ok that's all I guess!  kisses! 

  

 Turban & Floral Top : EN 

Pants : PICNIC SHOP

Necklace : Chick horse, Bittra & Starr

Bag : c'est-tout

Watch : Marc Jacobs

shoes : Flats for Jade 

   

 hat : Zara

Top : EN

glasses : GAP

Pants : PICNIC SHOP

bag : Paul and shark

boots : MUJI

   

 Turban : EN

white shirt : Burberry

Pants : PICNIC SHOP

outer : tailor made

bag : Christian Dior 

shoes : my sister's

 ( finally come a day where we share same size!  Yeaay me! )

   

glasses : Prada

Top : Burberry 

Pants : PICNIC SHOP

watch : rolex

Clutch : it's actually a wrapping package from balletcats, 

it's so cute I made it as a clutch XD

shoes : converse

   

Glasses : unbranded 

Pants : PICNIC SHOP

black vest?  : Ichwan Toha

bag : Charles & Keith

shoes : Zara

   

 top : Little Nuh

 Pants : PICNIC SHOP

Necklace : Antyk Butyk

bracelet : random : mango, juicy couture, Hermes

Edgar Allan Poe book clutch : EN

Bag : Kate Spade

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Life is either a great adventure or nothing. ~ Helen Keller

It's official! My blog is 4 years old! Awesome right?! Who would even think I could last that long? Okay, I know I suppose to say sorry for being a bad blogger and then explain the reason why I neglected my blog for soooo long (like always) but hey, you know me for 4 years now, so I think we just passed all that shall we? Fuhh... Pardon my french, but I guess I have to accept the reality that I am really s*cks at time management. So what I'm trying to say is, oh my where do I start... Thank you so much for being a very great reader, bare with my laziness, my weird language, my messy grammar, my lack of emotion in post and many other freaking bad things about me. But most of all thank you for being there for me. 

I'm 13 years old now, so probably you know I'm beginning to change, my shrink said to me it's part of growing up. I think after 4 years it's time for a little bit serious talk, hehehe. I think it's been hundreds of  times I've been asked in many interviews, "what make you start your blog?" it's the most boring question ever, and I always answer it with the most boring answer I could think of. It's true I do bored at that time, nothing to do so I make a blog. But I know deep down it's never really that the true reason. For some of you who follow through the years might know and keep asking about my mom, well you know my dad and my mom are not together again and I see her walking out the door and I remember saying to myself, this time you won't look her coming back through that door again. The very first reason my dad and sisters decided to take me to my shrink is because how I respond to that event. I do not cry. My sisters keep saying it's okay to cry, you can cry if you want to. I remember like a crystal clear my answer to her, "I will cry if I want to, but I don't feel like it. If anyone should cry it's not me, it's her." I know from the look of my sister she knows something is not right with me. Well maybe she's right. Don't tell me that I'm ungrateful child, and she's my mother no matter what. I know that, more than anyone else. For what is worth I do love her, I look a lot like her. I see her every time I see myself in the mirror and it kills me. My dad keeps telling me to speak to her, call her because he knows that my mother miss me so much, but I'm too mad at that time. Something inside of me keep saying why do you do all the things you do, when you know all your actions can make you lose me, is your love is not big enough for me? But it's an old story, I forgave her a long time ago, I know she loves me and I do wish for her happiness every time I remember her. 

So the simple reason why I started my blog in the first place and post a lot of my pictures, is so that she can see me whenever she want to, see me growing up, still hearing my story and everything she might lose from separated from us. I want her to see that I'm okay and doing just fine. Other than that since she's gone there's like this hole in my heart that I can't seem to get rid of no matter how I try and when people around me busy with their life and I feel so lonely have no friend I start to talk to myself through my blog, not thinking my blog could give so many new friends, caring readers and many other gift I can't thank enough. And about my mom, well turn out she do read my blog, and said she's proud of me. Yes, it's good enough for me.  I know when she called my dad and saying how happy she is looking how grown up I become. But all this reason sure too long to answer that simple "why do you start make your blog?" question and maybe a little bit too personally too. So this is just between me and you, okay. I know I can share with you, we already friends for 4 years. 

See I grew up, other than positive things there's also bad things. I know I'm stubborn like hell and so my dad. But we never argue, I always follow whatever he and my sister thinks is right. But lately we have had some argue, not fight just having a different opinion. Lately it's about my blog, my sister can't really understand some opportunity that I turn down and I refused, just say lately so many local television contact me for interviews, talk show, commercial and other thing and I always said no. But I do not feel like wanting to do it, I know my sister wants it because she think it good for me. But I don't think so. I told my sister let me decide what's best for me, on my own. I have my own reason and asked her to just trust me and my gut. The different thing happens to my dad, this time I get another  invitation from French TV and for this one I'm dying to do it, it's been several times I refuse some big offer from outside Indonesia because my dad said I'm too young, I'm not ready, in the old days I follow his advice. But for this time, I said my opinion that I feel like I'm ready this time. We have our first argue and in the end I follow him, because I think he have all the right reason and he just worry about me. But at that moment in my head I do wish I'm 17 and can go whenever I want , the hell I want. I do dream someday I can have my adventure going away with only 1 bag and travel around the world, and going back with all the priceless wisdom and experience that money can't buy. And that is what inspired me to make this post, it's how I think I traveler look like, there's many travelers out there, they go with different reason and different dream to achieve and I try to think the outfit. 

And oh for my dad, for now I am accepting that I'm still however too young to decide something big, but I do hope there will come a time when my dad give me responsibility just like he gave my sisters to decide what they want with their life. Just like the Frank Sinatra song I want to do everything my way, I do hope when I'm old I can sing this song and mean everything in it, that I did everything my way.  I know I will make mistakes in the process maybe a little or maybe big mistakes, but I want when I'm old looking back, I have nothing to regret. Ugh this song it's been like a soundtrack of my life lately. 

My way - Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. 

Jawahrlal Nehru

The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure. Joseph Campbell

So here's a traveler set, I got inspired by so many things when I set this outfit, a gipsy, a worker that trying to get out of small town and have a big dream in the big city, even an angel of death that travels to find a clue how he can stop his job, hehehe. And I got this awesome glasses from kak Sonia Eryka  from RIOTS BARBIE and I think it would be cool to try to mix it up with some different style.  Enjoy! 

She's an angel of death who travels around, because she sicks of her job and she hear a story that there's 

a way to quit her job, so she travels around to find it.

Glasses : Riots Barbie 

Necklace : Nefertiti, Shamanistic

gloves : Marks & Spencer

black turtleneck : Zara

pants : EVITANUH

shoes : zara

 

In this look I got inspired by 1984-1985 UK miners strike where a worker go to one place to another to coal miners.

Hat + plaid shirt + pants : ZARA
cashmere cardigan : mango

boots : MUJI ( my currently favorite boots!) 

white jeans jacket : Levis 

bag : Elan - bijoux

 I think I got inspired for this look by reading and looking all photos In the shadow of mountains by Steve MacCurry, it's inspired me a lot, a girl who live in a nomadic way with all her family, travels from one place to another place.

Headscarf : ZARA

outerwear : unbranded

long skirt : EVITANUH

Goggles : Ancestral Artefacts

necklaces + bracelets : Chickhorse Label 

boots : bamboo

 

This is a scientist who travels around to find cures for a disease and hopes he can find a cure for it.

ski jacket : Arc'teryx

glasses : Riots barbie 

jeans : denimbirds ( it's nudie's sisters! super comfy!)

boots : muji

 

This is a merchant, a very sly one that travels to sell things to people with tricks and lies, you better watch out.

Hat : top shop

necklaces : nefertiti , chickhorse label

faux fur coat : zara

pants : from thailand

shoes : kulkith

 

I don't know about this one, I've been mixed up, assassin or a vampire? You decide! Both of them can't stay in one place they have to always move around.

glasses : riots barbie

book clutch : EVITANUH (still on process) 

coat : vintage

pants: Zara

boots : Zara

Let's just say she's a very eccentric kind of person who always looking for something new, because there's no place is good enough for her, therefore she always wonders around trying to find that perfect place.

Faux fur hat : Zara

glasses : riots barbie

necklaces : elan bijoux

scotland skirt : a gift from my auntie :) 

I think I don't have to explain this one, do you often watch movie where's there's an illegal worker with cheap payment? Travel from town to town to make a living, live is hard for them, but they okay with it, as long as they have each other to sing and dance with.

Scarf : ZARA

skirt : evitanuh

shirt : little nuh

outerwear : it's actually a pijama! hehehe

boots : MUJI

Do you ever hear Fast car song by Tracy Chapman? If not you should! This looks inspired by this song, it's a story about young people who have a tough life, with all problems with life, family, economy so she decides to go to make a better life, thinking she have to leave or she will live and die in her old place.  She's doesn't have a big dream or anything she just wants a good life and be someone. This is how I imagine how the character outfit. I'm not kidding when I said my look can inspired from anything including a song. 

Jacket : Esprit

glasses : riots barbie

plaid shirt : forever 21

 gray sweater : zara

pants : denimbirds

boots : MUJI

bag : FCUK

So there it is, again thank you so much, adios amigos!

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“ You don’t take a photograph, you make it. - Ansel Adams

Hello people! How’s life? Mine pretty went well, so I hope yours too.  Is it just me or July really went by so fast?  and August too! We already in the middle of the month! Crazy time is crazy. Huff so I’ve been busy the whole week, there’s some project who need my full attention and of course school too. Oh how I miss holiday!

Ohh talking about holiday, my last holiday is superb! No, I’m not going anywhere, just stay home, but I manage to practiced some of my skills ( and yes singing definitely not one of it, hahaha I fully accept my fate that singing isn’t for me hahaha ) so in that long free time,  one of the skills I’ve been brushing is my photography skill. It’s been dusty the whole time, it’s quite sad because I have so much fun when I’m taking pictures, because photos are like magic! It kept one moment and freezes it, with one snap, just like that! *snapping my fingers and you can memorize it forever. Magical! That’s why I love taking good pictures, so one day when I become a grandma I can show all photos I took to my grandchild (Showing it off actually.. hehehe) and show them all those priceless moment back days.

I’ve been reading some books about photography too, and trust me the more you read the more you realize that you know nothing, it’s frustrating but in some way it pumps you adrenaline to learn more and more. Ah my hands itchy already to grab my camera and start clicking.

I’m so lucky, everyone in my family loves photography and they pretty good at it so I got my sisters and my dad to asked, because trust me whoever think that photography is all about fancy camera and no need for skill is fully wrong and bullshit, oh yes I’m not saying it’s not affected the photos, it does, but no matter how expensive your camera is and how great your lenses are if you know nothing about it, it will be flat pictures, no emotion, no nothing. Not to mention about technics, aperture, shutter speed and all those crazy things cannot be learned overnight.

“You don't make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved.”

― Ansel Adams

Another things that make me think that I’m crazy lucky is that as a very newbie I often got the chance to be assistant photographers, imagine that!  Get pay, got more knowledge and more practices, what can be more awesome than that right? However until now I do not dare call myself a photographer… well not yet maybe… because well I’m amateur, a very green one, so now I just thinking myself as a person who loves and crazy in love with photography and that was it.

“All photographs are memento mori. To take a photograph is to participate in another person’s (or thing’s) mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time’s relentless melt.”

― Susan Sontag

And oh as a assistant photographer it’s been several times my client recognize me as fashion blogger, hehehe that is so sweet and funny, they keep asking me to teach them how to pose ( which I’m really crappy at….) Well because of that as a  dedicated fashion blogger I think I got reputation to keep hahaha, so I always taking pictures with style hehehe. So here’s some of my style. Like I said, I have reputation to keep.

By the way I’ve been obsessed with this two outer from PICNIC SHOP, it really goes well with everything! Well I’ve been obsessed with their whole collection, I just went to their new store in Gandaria city last weekend and I spent like hours there, I truly madly deeply want it all! Seriously I’m in my candy land there. All the cool pattern, blazer! All cool blazers! Androgyny, edgy, girly, they got it all in one store! Super new love! And the best part is, they got webstore! So there’s no need to fuzz about traffic jam and everything, well with my crazy schedule I can barely going anywhere, so their picnic webstore is heaven for me! You can check their online store in this link, but trust me you will want all the stuff! Don’t tell me I don’t warn you. hahahaa

like I told you this outerwear can go well with anything, so when my job is done and I need to go somewhere else all I need to do is change with simple dress an put my picnic outer wear and I'm set to go. 

turquoise long outerwear, brown shirt, two tone jacket all PICNIC SHOP

So here's some of my pictures, back then I always got to be model for my sister when she's practicing, now its time to flip the table around, hehehe, here's some pictures of my sister that I took. As you can see I'm really inspired by game of thrones tv show. My sister said I act more look like a film director rather than a photographer because I keep telling her  about a character that I'm trying to make, and I keep asking her to think and pose as the character I want her to be. Crazy photo shoot I keep telling her innocent...innocenntt think innocent... sadd imagine all your family is gone you are mad and sad! don't smile.... hahahaha yes it was intense, but I like the result! I hope she does too, but for now she's kindda give up on become my model hahahaha. So here's the result, I'm trying a different story and character, and I think she nailed it....

“ I always thought good photos were like good jokes. If you have to explain it, it just isn’t that good".

 – Anonymous

Ernest Hemingway: "You take great photos, what camera do you use?"

Irving Penn: "You write great books, what typewriter do you use?"

adios amigos! see you on my next post! kisses!

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