just give the devil his due

Hello all, how are you? Gosh! it's been too long since my last post right? No oh, not gonna give you any excuses, my bad.. my bad. Hehehe. So how's life? well, mine is okay. Exams is over, already do my best and let God do the rest. ( ughh, my heart is pounding everytime I'm thinking about the result ) so let's just forget all of the exam thing shall we?

Anyhow, I've been thinking lately, it might be true that time has wings, I can't believe how fast time flies! it's almost two years since my first post, that means we've been friends for almost two years too! It's quite long time right? so I guess we are bestfriend now? and I really want to say thank you for everything from the deepest of my heart. You guys are the best! there's so many times your support and love touched me too deep. It's still amaze me, that from this blog, I can have you all, one of the greatest gift a God could give. you. a friend. my friend! my bestfriend!

Since we were a bestfriend now, and bestfriend do tell, so I'm gonna share something, something that I never tought I would have the guts to tell. So here it is... Me in the old time doesn't have many friends, only a few. And the worst part is , in my old time I was bullied by one of my friend, yes I'm a bully victim, oh I mean I was... and trust me, it's hell. you have no idea how it feels, going to school, with pounding heart, my stomach is ached, always felt I could just throw up. Every single day. yes every single day. Why she done such things to me? I will never know, my teacher said maybe it's because I look weak. I don't know why, but she just always find a way to annoyed me, if it's not one thing it's another. teased me, mocked me. She done it too many times, I get used to it. I felt so numb, I played this phrase in my head over and over again "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" It works. for a few moments thou. because it's really true, the tongue wounds more than the lance.

Until one day I think I had enough, I'm getting sick of this thing. It's the day that I finally realized that she will never ever stop. You like all the people else might want to say, why don't you fight back? Well I tried, she said bad words, I cursed back. but she only get worse, and I stop. what's the point? if to defend myself I have to be like her, I choose to step back. cursing her not only hurt her, it's hurting me too. Maybe it's because I don't raised that way, as simple as that. God, I can't even imagine how my daddy or my sisters would feel if they heard me cursed other people with rage. My daddy always said to me, two wrongs don't make a right, what he want to say is, it's wrong to harm someone just because they have harmed you. So, no sir, no thank you. I'm done. So I go to my dad, and tell him, I asked him take me away from her, place me in place where I don't need to see her face again. and he did.

So here I am now, the happiest kid in town, I have many friends now, and I have to tell you, they all amazing! well don't get jealous, you all are amazing too! don't worry I had enough love to share. hehehe. So yes, I learned that every cloud does have a silver lining , I learn it in a very hard way. I mean, if I don't get bullied, I won't asked my dad to moved me, and I will never meet my true friends that I have now. and it would be a very big lost, don't you think? so yes, I think it's no use to cry over a spilled milk, just see the bright side.

Why am I telling you this? well it's because, not long time ago, I don't know how and why, she contacted me through my formspring ( oough! it reminds me, so sorry for my late answer, I promise I'll try to catch up! ) and she said ( again) a bad words, the funny thing is , I don't even care and she also said that I must still remember her, well if that makes you happy, I do remember you. She also asked why I never answer her question nor approve her friend request on my facebook and in the end she also said that she changed now. Well good for you, but just so you know, I'm so sorry, I will never approve your friend request. And if you ask me why, the reason is, It's not because I'm still mad or anything, It's just I want to keep you out of sight, out of mind. For all of the things you have done to me, I forgive you. I really really do, however I do forgive but I'll never forget. And I'm the kind of person who believe that a leopard can never change it's spots. Sorry.

I have my new life, and I hope you do too, and for our best I think it's better that we stay away from each other. You stay mine, and I'll stay yours.What is past history is history, what is done is finished, what done can't be undone, so please just let bygones be bygones.

fiuhh, long talk right? hehehe but I feel so much better now, thanks to you all! and now all I want to ask is, please promise me, that if you in any chance through the same thing, you will tell your parents, don't hold it to yourself. They know better. Trust me, sometimes it's okay to step back, and just give the devil his due. Promise? I'll take it as a yes!

Just like Howard Beale from old movie, network said
stand up wherever you are, go to the nearest window, and yell as loud as you can,
"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

so hasta la vista my dear friend! have a very good day okay?! Yay! it's weekend!

kisses and hugs! and oh get ready for a great many pictures of moi ! hehehe

Always thinking, if only school allow me to dress this way, like a hoodlum. I bet theres no one in any chance brave enough to pick a quarrel with me. yeah... If only.....

I don't want to kill everyone... just my enemies
~ Al-Pacino in Goodfather

red bowler hat : from my sister
leather jacket : zara kids
black shirt : zara kids
red apple brooch : mango
necklaces : to many to remember, hehehe
black jeans : tailor made

hope you like my pictures, it's my sister idea to only popped out the red color, she got the idea from a picture in one of clothing store in Bandung, and i think it's kindda cool. this is old pic, just never got the time to edit and upload it :) until now...

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great news!

Hello people! so how you've been doing? I know I know it's Monday, hahaha just posting to brighten up your days! been quite long since my last post, gosh! I'm having an exams and it's killing me! I study more hard than before. so hard I almost faint, hahaha. So wish me a very good luck will you?

So yeah no new photo shoot, but since I never let myself let somebody down, I'll give you a very great news as a return. So be ready! this is so exciting and I'm thinking to join it, and I think you should too! hahaha I'm like a crappy advertisement don't you think? but seriously I will only post something that I'm interested in too, and this is really really great contest. It's delightfully dreamy or eclectically edgy themes, and post it in here, the contest is already open, but you still got time! It's open until 5 June 2010 ( shoot! my exams finish on 4th June, hope I still have a time to join!)

The great thing about contest is always the gift right? hahaha, don't you worry, the will pick 3 winners 1 is the most voted winner, the other two will be picked by Metro team. All you need to do is ask as many friends to vote for you so you might be the most voted winner and there will be 1 person selected everyday for daily winner where she/he can win IDR 100,000 just by giving rate/commenting on the submitted pictures, great right?!

So what are you waiting for? and like my old man used to say "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight" so dress you best! and oh almost forget click here to read the rules, or you can follow these twitter @fashionesedaily sama @METROdept for more updates or you can always just fly to their site in here www.fashionesedaily.com/metro.

Wishing you a very good luck! and Oh, wish for me too! I need one for my exams! ( and don't forget to vote me if I happen to join this contest too, hahaha) so have a very great Monday people! See ya!

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oh yes, it is mad hatter.... daughter

I've got this question a lot "where do you get your inspiration?" and my answer is always be the same, it's literally from anything! really anything, movie, music, magazine, or even people that passed me by. I used to day dreaming alot! hehehe, and idea, toughts, words, keep popping out like crazy! My mind keep playing around, I always always wonder what if ? how if ? honestly it's not easy to handle, I always ended up mad at myself most of the time. why I can't do what I tought will be easy? It's not feels good when you know how limited your skill is. arrrghh. but yeah at least I try right?

Some people asked me in my formspring, it'a a hard question and I never been able to answer it, the question is so simple. "what makes you so special?" but I never find the right words, well until now. I think I'm special because I'm not just dreaming, and I can't stand people who always dreaming and wondering. I was special because I always try to make it happen. Hey, dreaming is the easiest thing, but it's a waste if you keep on dreaming and doing nothing. right? right!

My daddy always said "you want it? work for it!" so I'm so used to work for everything I want. example : I want to do some photo shoot, and I need my sister to take the picture, what I do is massaged my sister for half an hour, it's a hard work you know, but it's the price. hahaha.

Out of topic, as you can see, I added new section in my blog. Now I put the list of website or blog where I've been featured. Hahaha it is feels funny for me. for the first time in my life I googled myself, and oh my I'm overwhelmed! so many of you wrote unbelievable words about me. It's so beautiful! thank you so much! any words is not good enough to expressed my feeling. So hereby I asked a permission to add the link to your post, hope you don't mind. Hahaha now I found new guilty pleasure, googled myself! and please if you wrote about me, or find a post about me, please inform me, I would love to add it to my featured section.

And oh, back to the topic I've always always wondering if mad hatter have a daughter how she would look like? well in my dream she looks just like this. ( and yes, this is the next part of alice in my last post ~ ooh I can't seem to get enough of this alice in wonderland theme, hehehe) hope you like it!

Alice in Wonderland full set ~ my version

and now I introduce ....

of course she as mad as a hatter,
like a daughter like a father
quite grumpy and rude sometimes
love tea is in her blood
have her own crazy world just like her father
quirky fashion taste? yes I believe so
of course she has more soft side than the old one (her father)
so you can consider yourself lucky if you meet her ~
and not the old one on your journey in wonderland
but be careful she will always have a bit of a mad side
it's in her blood

and ups! no no you won't find any price tag in her hat
it's been paid

so tea anyone?

Beautiful head piece : Nefertiti Jewelz
pink ruffles collar : it's actually a necklace from Nefertiti Jewelz
vest : my sister DIY
tie : unbranded
black shirt : H&M young
black pants : zara kids
shoes : aixaggio

credit : background (Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton Movie)
photographer & editor : my sister

shoot! almost forgot to say : happy Sunday yawl!and get ready for Monday!

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come to my wonderland

Hello world! how are you today? are you missing me? well I miss you like crazy! it's been like more than a week since my last post, I know, I know... my bad, but seriously it's like I got cursed or something, everytime, like every single time I made a promise to myself that I will updating my blog more often, and BAMM! something happen. It can be anything, more homework, or my girls suddenly make plans to go to the mall, or more homework ( mostly it's because more homework. so yeah) so I'm so sorry, what can I do? I'm cursed remember? hehehe

Okay, I've got a story to tell, and this might gonna be a long one, so grab your tea and cookies and get ready to hear my story ( or read?).
This is a story about one lucky kid, well she's not a kid, she's 11 years old already, so lets just call her a young lucky girl. and why she's lucky?

here's why .... so this girl was so wooowed, is wooowed is even a word? no? okay, just say she's astonished. More like shocked when someone emailed her. To cut a long story short, we just skipped the part where she's jumping around like stupid for hours okay? and oh and the part where she read the email like 10 times over and over again. So we go the part where she already knew that the person who emailed her name was mbak Ratih, a beautiful woman who work in publisher company. Mbak Ratih asked for meeting with this lucky girl, but since school is kinda overwhelmed, she said she can't. Out of nowhere Mbak Ratih called her ( she's shocked for sure, because she never gave her number to anyone, well she's not allowed to )

Mbak Ratih was super duper nice woman, she said she really need to meet this girl, and after a few phone call and email. The result is : Mbak Ratih is gonna meet her in some place called beautiful castle mall ( hehehe, yes Puri Indah Mall), and Mbak Ratih looks just like what she imagine she would be, she looks beautiful, classy and gentle too. It's kinda hard to believe for that lucky girl, Mbak Ratih really willing to accros universe just to meet her ( hahaha, not really universe, but it's quite far. that girl lived in west side and Mbak Ratih work in south side). After a long fun talk, Mbak Ratih open her big black bag and gave her a pencil, a pen and a drawing book, she asked that girl to draw anything she want, so she drawed her favorite character, named Lola. Out of nowhere, Mbak Ratih offering that lucky girl, that very lucky girl to make her own book, a fairy tale book, with story and ilustration all by her.

From her email Mbak Ratih already talked about her and a book by her, but fairy tale?? ilustrator?? whooaa! She's got nothing to say, she's speechless, it feels like someone just sucked up her soul. The only words that popped out from her mind is AY CARAMBA!!! Mbak Ratih told her to think about it, and gave her a week to decide. She's one lucky girl isn't she?

Am I that easy to guess? yes you got me right. That lucky girl is me. and last Monday is the day that I have to give Mbak Ratih the answer. Do you want to know what my answer is? I'll give you a hint. I'm a stupid girl. so yeah, this stupid girl said no. It's the hardest conversation ever, to call Mbak Ratih and tell her why, but like I told you before she's one of the nicest lady I ever knew, she's fully understand and said, anytime, anywhere I change my mind I can always call her. She even said that I'm the coolest kid she ever meet in live. Whoaaa! that's too much. really too much. I'm more like this shy girl with glasses and look tottaly like a geek. I even still on my uniform that day. One of the sweet conversation I had with her on the phone. Mbak Ratih (MR), and me.
MR : so we meet in starbuck okay? at 4 pm, I'll wait for you with a cake ready just for you
Me : hehehe thank you! but how do I recognize you? or how do you recognize me? should I wear some red jacket or something?
MR : you don't have to, I'll recognize you.
Me : well how you...
MR : I just have to look the coolest kid in town, how hard could it be?
Me : wrooong... you have too look for a strange kid with oversize uniform and round glasses
MR : yes a strange cool kid
Me : no no no, just strange.

and yes she recognised me the minute I enter the door, with my worry nanny follow me behind. She's waving with her perfect smile and perfect cake ready on the table, she kissed me on my cheek and said
MR : see, it's not hard. the coolest kid in town just like I told you.
me : speechless.

I already told Mbak Ratih the reason behind my no answer, and she said it was okay. And somehow I feel like I owe you all an explanation too, but really, it's not easy to get me, even my sister sometimes said that I'm kinda twisted. hahaha, somehow I can't say that I'm not. you see.. the reason is, it's just... just not feels right. The idea of me making my own book in my age was overwhelming, but there's something inside of me that keep on whisper, "are you sure?", "are you ready for this?", "is this what you really want?" gosh, it's hard. Do you watch Oprah? I bet you do, well me too, she's one of some person I look into, I maybe don't have a mom to show me the way, but I still have Oprah right? and she once said

"before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself : what is my true intention? Give yourself time to let yes resound within you. When it's right. I guarantee that your entire body will feel it."

and me, don't hear any "yes", well to be true, you can call me a chicken or whatever. but seriously I'm scared. too scared. Because it's not gonna end up there, believe me I know. People will put their eyes on me, well don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy when someone called my name in the crowd asked for photos, a short chat or even just a little kiss, believe me you make my whole week beautiful with that. But more than that, really, I'm not sure I can handle it. well maybe not yet.

Even now I feel that my life is kinda different compare to my friends. One of my friend told me that she has a cousin who knows me from my blog and really curious about me, and when me and my friends go for a movie we accidentally bumped with her cousin, and the next day she told me that her cousin thinks I dress too usual and nothing special, and she tought I will be lot cooler. Well all I can say is, what should I wear then? I just go for a movie with friends in mall that only took 10 minutes from home. do I supposed to wear a vintage dress? a boots? don't think so. Do you see what I mean? somehow someway people expect something more fand more from me and I'm not sure I can manage more than this for now. I don't want more people coming just to seek my mistakes, because I do alot of mistakes, and it feels not good, it feels like hell when you know someone is diggin for your flaws, well I can assure you that I'm not flawless. Mbak Ratih said to me, if you do this, more people will love me, and some will love me more. and I answered yes, true, but maybe more people will hate, and more people will hate me more.

About hate, I'm trying to ignore it, well people love people hate. I'm trying to go easy with that. but what I scared about is I'm too young, I'm only 11. oh yes, that's also why sometimes I refused some interview, some magazine feature. I do love an interview, it's crazy seeing your face on a magz! It's not I'm being snob or anything, but there was a lot of times when I think that my friends and school are more important. It's always makes me sad everytime my sister pull a face when she knows that I'm refused an interview for only a movie out with my friends. but it's not just 'only' for me. this what matters for me. I know you never even try to force me or anything, but I know that you feel disappointed, and It's hell for me knows that I'm letting you down. I never explain this to you, but from all of the people in the world I tought you'll understand.

I love fashion so much sir, love it to death, but what if ? only what if, someday I get bored? someday I don't feel like to dress up anymore. and it's to late, people already put a mark on me, a fashion girl. what people gonna say? And how if someday I have this big passion on something else but because I already drown to deep, I loose all the will swim for another island ?.
Oprah also said : "Often we don't even realize who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someone else's ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in destiny"

Me, I'm still 11 and I don't want when I get number 17 I loose all of my will to win. I don't want being 11 and already give all of me. Let me just prepare myself, so when I think I'm ready for something more. I am ready. So I still got something to suprise you all. And let me just prepare myself, so it will be more hard when someone try to knock me down. It's crazy I know, put down a great chance, but it is true what Oprah said once again : "As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around"

Something I know for sure is that now I love the thing the way it is, love to blog, love to dress up, love to take pictures, love when you said hi to me, love to go to my own crazy wonderland. And this is the best for me now. Love you all way to much! kisses and hugs!

and I also know this fo sure, I love love love this picture of me by kak Tatiana. Love you so much kak!

and talking about wonderland, here's me in my wonderland, do you know that Alice is not the only person who had visited Wonderland? oh you don't know? well now you know. hehehe.

so dance anyone?









we're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance
~ japanese proverb

headband : chloris
dress : old dress
socks : sox gallery
shoes : aixaggio

so have you been to wonderland?

*background are courtesy of disney from Alice in wonderlan movie :)

~ to Mbak Ratih thank you sooo sooo much, and this post is dedicated to you, and yes of course we can always talk. just give me a call!

ps : please mind my bad bad grammar. hehehe

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A mad flower day

So.. hey! it's Monday already! I hope you having a very great Monday ( even I kinda doubt that, hehehe), but hey! I'll try to brighten up your lazy Monday with this posting, hope it's work!

Let see... remember my flowery post? yeah I know it's like so looong time ago, and remember when I said that my flowery post will be continue? well my lips don't lie, so here's the new episode, but first I have say I'm so sorry for the one year delay (what a bad bad blogger!) but I know that you all love me enough to forgive me right? right! hehehe.

For your information I'm addicted to flower pattern, seriously. Anyone who knows me in the real life you knows that I'm kinda boyish, but but but.. speaking of flower pattern ( and ooh and lace!! I love lace!) I just can't resist it, it's to beautiful! but on my defence who can resist it? can you? I bet you can't.

If you see me when I was about five I'm all about flower dress, flowing dress, it's all about pretty dresses ( nooo if you asking, the anwer is no. no I'm not dressing myself when I was 5, it was my mom and sisters who dressing me up back then), now I still madly in love with flower patterns, still feeling deadly gergous and happy when I wearing pretty dresses, but something change a lil bit, now my boyish side want's to play along too, so this is what happen when you got boyish and girlie side with same strong power mixed up in you mind. It turns out pretty well I guess, what do you think?

Ouch it's almost 10 PM, and I have school tomorrow, I got to go now. or else my nanny will get heart attack. So here's my pictures for you, post it right before I bump into my bed, and hope it can light your Monday a lil bit. Good night folks! sleep tight and have a nice dream! and oh! I'm in love with this quote :

"If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom".
~Terri Guillemets

Who said boots can't work with a girlie look, it can! I'll show you, and oh, don't you just love the shape of the dress? I'm in love! I called this one :

a Lady like

dress : j.b.Xpress
pearl necklace : I have it for too long, I can't remember
heart wings necklace : Tiffany & co
socks : sox gallery
shoes : chaussure shop

When my sister saw me wearing this whole outfit, she said : "you look like 80's Madonna" well Madonna, that's a good sign! I love her book English rose is so awesome! so I called this look :

My Madonna

Dress : Randi
random necklace and bracelets : f21,topshop,unbranded,DIY
fingerless gloves : a gift
stockings : from my dance class
socks : sox gallery
shoes : converse

I love this long purple dress! suppa love! it gives me a hippie vibe, love it!











dress : Philly california
random rings : F21,
do you see that gold and shock pink ring? it's from HSM barbie doll! it's a class ring! pretty right?
socks: sox gallery
shoes : converse


Now, it's the last one, with my flower dress I'm so ready to rocked out the world! all I'm missing is my guitar, this one is perfect example how leather jacket mixed so well with almost anything hehehe, I called this one :

Rocker Flower







dress : DB sport by David Benjamin
leather jacket : zara kids
necklaces : random, topshop,unbranded,f21,etc
socks : shoes gallery

shoes :converse

PS : ohh yes, yes, this is not all, I still got plenty of florwery dress, so yes this is :

to be continue

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